This content originally appeared on DEV Community and was authored by Ben Link
Hey friend! Have you subscribed to The Adventures of Blink? I'd love to have you join me on the reg, particularly as Season 4 opens on the Youtube Channel!
This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend the Carolina Code Conference. If you’ve never been, do yourself a favor: put 2026 on your calendar! Barry and friends put on a fantastic event, and I had a spectacular time!
After the first day, I went to a happy hour event sponsored by Vonage. I found myself at a table with a mix of folks from all kinds of roles. Eventually, someone asked the question:
👉 “So… what’s DevRel?”
I’m not technically in DevRel right now, but as my fellow adventurers probably all know, it's something I love... this was my kind of conversation!
As we talked about what DevRel means and how it works, I recalled a passage from C.S. Lewis that has stuck with me for years:
“Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’
… It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision—it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.”
That hit me in the happy hour, because society isn’t very good at making friends anymore.
In high-stakes environments (combat veterans, healthcare workers, etc), people often say they avoid deep friendships, because they don't want to feel it so acutely when someone is lost.
Layoffs disrupt friendships formed in the trenches of business collaboration.
Our culture is obsessed with pointing out differences instead of common ground.
Young people — the most "connected" generation in all of recorded history — report increasing levels of social anxiety.
On top of all that, in software engineering we’re stereotyped as introverted code monkeys who’d rather debug a stack trace than talk to another human.
So how do we intentionally build human connection?
I think Lewis had it right: no agenda, no pitch, no quarterly target — just being genuinely human together.
So what had I done along the way that led me to that charming friendship-building conversation?
Showing up. I usually hate meetups and happy hours… right up until I actually go. “I’ll stay 15 minutes” often turns into 4 hours of laughter, shared war stories, and new friends.
Making the first move. That night, it started with me introducing myself. Not rocket science, but it was still intentional.
Offering something small. I was a local with a car, my new friends were about to Uber. “Hop in, ride with me and save a few bucks.” That little gesture gave us space to connect before the happy hour even started.
Joining the conversation. When an introvert is in a group of people who are all talking among themselves, it’s easy to fade into the background, to become a wallflower. But when you contribute... anything at all... you give others a chance to say, “Wait… you too?”
Just a couple of small decisions later, and now I'm positioned to make a friend or two!
Things We Do That Don't Build Connection
RTO mandates. Yeah, yeah, I know I've already ranted about this... but allow me one more jab 😉! Relationships need a catalyst — that “You too?” moment Lewis described. Without it, you can sit side by side for years and never really connect. Don't expect the culture to fix itself just because you all go to the same building.
Gatekeeping. “10x engineers” and other mythology actively discourage newcomers. Even if you’re not blocking anyone directly, people watching from the sidelines can come away thinking, “I’ll never measure up,” which pushes them out of the conversation before it even starts.
Talking more than listening. DevRel isn’t “broadcast mode.” The best way to build trust is to hear someone’s story and validate it. Hard to build feedback loops if you don't listen to the feedback!
Obsessing over metrics. DevRel is about relations (it’s right there in the name). When we model authentic connection, the numbers usually follow — and our job is to help leadership understand that’s not a bug, it’s the feature.
That night at the happy hour, I remembered why I love this work: when we risk showing up as ourselves, we create space for others to do the same.
Then suddenly someone across the table says, “What? You too?”
That’s when the magic starts.
This content originally appeared on DEV Community and was authored by Ben Link
Ben Link | Sciencx (2025-08-21T12:15:00+00:00) Conference Chatter: What, You Too?. Retrieved from https://www.scien.cx/2025/08/21/conference-chatter-what-you-too/
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